


This Is War

by IceboundStar



Series: James x Reader series [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Romance, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-10-17 20:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10601355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceboundStar/pseuds/IceboundStar
Summary: This is the 4th part to my James x Reader series.The war is drawing closer with each passing day, and you find yourself becoming worried about the future. However, something comes up that makes you doubt the future even more.(Please read parts 1-3 first if you haven't already, otherwise this won't make any sense :) )





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the 4th part of the series, I hope you're still enjoying and will continue to enjoy until the end. Speaking of which, this series will be roughly six parts long :)

It had been three weeks since the last stop at the Citadel when Shepard's crew was on shore leave. Since then, the crew had been to Horizon and recovered information with Miranda's help which had given them the location of Chronos Station. But before that, Shepard had decided that this would be the last chance for them to get supplies. So she decided to stop there one last time, and head off to face the Illusive Man afterwards. She also decided that whatever time her crew could have to relax, would better prepare them for what was coming when they tried to re-take earth.

*

While the Normandy was stopped at the Citadel for a few hours, you had decided that you should go to the combat simulator for practice as Shepard had wanted. Putting the assault rifle and shotgun away that you were using, you looked at the time on your omni-tool and realised it was almost time to head back to the docking bay. As you made your way out of the combat simulator hall, you paused to look back at it and hoped that the training you had given yourself was enough. You carried on to the Sky car taxi's and got into one, and when it's doors closed it lifted off and started the trip towards docking bay D24. During the trip back to the docking bay, your mind drifted off to the past three weeks. Things had been energetic on the Normandy between the preparations for the war, and the last few remaining missions before Shepard went to the Chronos station. You had also been busy working alongside Adams and Tali, every time Shepard had an upgrade for the Normandy's systems she asked all three of you to make sure it was working properly. Your relationship with James had been “Busy” (for lack of a better word since my brain doesn't comprehend how to describe a good relationship xD) since the party. You were only ever apart when off duty, or if one had something to do as you had. The Sky car rumbled as it touched down outside of docking bay D24, alerting you that you had landed. As you got out of the shuttle, you saw that James was waiting for you outside of security. You smiled as you walked over to him.

“Hi.”

As you reached him he took hold of your hands, pulled you close to him and kissed you. When he pulled away, he had grin plastered all over his face. Feeling a little flustered, your smile grew as you began speaking.

“Wow, I think I want to be greeted like that more often.”

“Only the best for my girl,” he replied still grinning. “Did you do everything you wanted to do?”

“All I wanted to do was practice more with an assault rifle, and I figured the best place to do that was here, and not on a mission where I can be shot again. But yeah I did what I wanted to do,” you finished. You took his hand into your own, and you both began to walk back through security together. 

“I'm glad,” James began. “It gives me peace of mind to know you'll have some means of defending yourself when we're back on earth.”

“Hey...” you said pointedly. “I'm not exactly defenceless you know.”

He started chuckling. “No I guess you're not. I'm sorry about that.”

“Don't worry about it, I know that...”

He looked at you as you trailed off and stopped dead in your tracks. Suddenly feeling very light headed, you let go of his hand to lean against one of the many glass windows.

“(Y/N)?”

“I don't feel so good...” you murmured, and the grin fell of his face to be replaced with a look of concern. He put a hand on your shoulder.

“Do you want to sit down for a minute?”

You nodded and allowed him to lead you over to the seating area for passengers. Once you had sat down, you put your head into your hands and closed your eyes.

“Ugh...”

Feeling an arm settle around your shoulders, you looked to your side where James was sat. He still looked concerned as he watched you.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I must have pushed myself too much with training. I just hope I haven't caught some stupid alien virus, I don't want to be useless for the final battle...” you trailed off.

“It doesn't matter if you have, I won't let you fight in the war if you're sick. And don't bother trying to argue,” he said with a slight chuckle, and when you started grumbling he started to laugh. “Anyway, can you walk?”

“I think so. I feel better now,” you said as you slowly stood up. James took your hand, and you both walked back through the airlock and back into the Normandy. You both nodded to EDI who was on her way into the cockpit, and walked towards the lift. 

“When are you off duty today?” James asked you as you both got onto the lift. You thought for a moment and replied, “I think I'm off at 10 tonight, it depends on what Adams wants me to do.”

The doors opened on deck three, and James stepped off and turned back to face you.

“Alright, I'll see you around then. And promise me you'll go and see the doc if you feel bad again.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Good. See you later then,” he said with a grin and then he disappeared around the corner. The doors closed behind him, and the lift started heading down towards engineering. You sighed to yourself as you got off the lift, and started walking back to your post.

“I really hope I'm not sick...”

*

Six hours had passed since you had arrived back on the Normandy, and you had been working since then. When you had finished working for the day, you spent an hour with James and then went to the crew quarters saying that you felt tired and that you would see him in the morning. When you had reached your bunk, you climbed up and fell asleep still wearing your uniform. The next thing you knew, you had woken up and felt sicker than you did hours ago.

“Ugh... Not again...” you mumbled holding a hand to your mouth. “This is getting stupid...”

Checking the time on your omni-tool, you saw that it was 4:05 AM. You took your boots off which you had left on, and climbed down off your bunk quietly so you didn't disturb the person below you. You then crept out of the crew quarters, and began the short walk to the med bay. Instead of walking straight in, you peered through the window to see if the doctor was there.

“Of course she's not there,” you muttered to yourself, observing the empty room. “Only I wake up this early feeling sick to my stomach.”

After you stood quietly for a few seconds, you called out, “EDI?”

“Yes (Y/N)?” her voice replied. 

“Can you give Dr Chakwas a call for me? Let her know I need her help as soon as she can?”

“Of course.”

EDI's voice faded away leaving you stood in silence. You weren't stood there for long, before the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit came over you. Holding your hand over your mouth, you broke into a run towards the bathroom and was barely into the toilet stall before you vomited. You groaned and dropped to your knees in front of the toilet. 

“Ugh...”

Holding the side of the toilet stall, you pulled yourself up and walked over to where the sink was and turned the cold tap on. After you had let the water run, you scooped some up into your hands and washed your mouth out with it. 

“(Y/N). The doctor is waiting for you in the med bay,” you heard EDI's voice say. 

“Alright... Tell her I'll be there in a second,” you grumbled in reply and you washed your mouth out one last time before heading back to the med bay. As you walked through the door, you saw that Dr Chakwas was sat at her desk with her doctors coat over the standard issue Alliance pyjamas she wore. 

“I'm sorry for getting you out of bed doctor,” you greeted her as she turned around in her chair. She shook her head, and indicated for you to sit down on one of the beds. 

“Don't be sorry,” she replied as she walked over to you. “It 's my job to look after you when you're not feeling well. Now, start by telling me what's been happening.”

“Well,” you began. “I went to the combat simulator this morning when we were at the Citadel, and I spent around two hours there before coming back to the docking bay. I suddenly felt very light headed and had to sit down before I came back onboard. I felt a little better after that, and went back to work in engineering. I was still feeling sick all through being on duty, but I ignored it because it wasn't that bad. After eating I went straight to bed, and fell asleep right there and then. Then I woke up about fifteen minutes ago, feeling very light headed and sick to my stomach again. And before you came to sick bay, I went to the bathroom and I did vomit.”

Doctor Chakwas was observing you silently while you spoke, and when you finished she let out a thoughtful, “Hmm...”

“I have felt sick over the past few days, but I just thought it was wind.”

“I see. First of all I'll take the obvious readings, and then ask you questions. Is that okay (Y/N)?”

“Yeah that's fine, I just hope I haven't got some stupid alien virus. That's the last thing I need before the final battle,” you trailed off. Dr Chakwas put a comforting hand on your shoulder before starting to take her readings.

“I'm positive it's nothing serious from what you've told me.”

You went silent as she first checked your blood pressure, and then went on to to check your temperature. She then announced that your temperature was fine, and that your blood pressure was slightly below what she expected. She said this was fine, then went on to take a blood sample from your arm and put it into a machine which as far as you knew, checked for anything out of the ordinary.

“While we wait for the scan of your blood to finish, I'll ask you those questions. How long have you been feeling unwell?”

“Like I said, I've been feeling sick for the past few days but I didn't think much of it and just ignored it.”

“You should have come to me when you started feeling unwell,” the doctor said with a frown. But before you could answer her, she continued speaking. “Never mind, you're here now and that's better than not being here at all. Have you eaten or been in contact with anything you're allergic too?”

“Not that I can recall.”

Doctor Chakwas typed a few sentences on her computer, and then turned back to you. 

“That's fine. Have you been having your periods regularly? And when is your next one due?”

You thought for a moment, and remembered that your next one was due the following week.

“They have been regular, and my next one should be next week if everything is okay with them.” 

As she was typing your answers into a file on her station, the machine that had your blood sample in bleeped loudly announcing it was finished. 

“Right, I'll just check your blood sample and we'll see if anything is wrong. Then I can see what I can give you to calm your nausea.”

You nodded and silently watched her take your blood sample out of the machine, then examine the writing on it's holo-screen. When she had finished reading what was on the screen, she let out an 'Ah' and picked up her data pad which had recorded the results.

“Well then (Y/N), I can tell you there's nothing seriously wrong with you. The scan has come back negative for any known illnesses and diseases.”

You let out a sigh of relief, and made to move off the bed you were sat on until she held her hand up.

“I'm not done yet,” Doctor Chakwas said, and you sat back down.

“However,” she continued. “You do have elevated levels of oestrogen, HGC and progesterone.”

“And what does that mean doctor?” you asked with uncertainty. She paused for a moment while she read her notes, and then looked back up to you.

“It means one thing. You're pregnant,” she finished. 

It took time for her words to register in your head, and after a few minutes passed you finally spoke.

“Are you sure doctor...?”

“Perfectly sure. Your nausea is down to morning sickness, and there is something I can give you to ease it. I'll get that ready for you, and we'll arrange for you to come and see me in a few days.”

You stayed quiet while doctor Chakwas found what she needed to treat your morning sickness. All you could think about was why this had to happen before a final battle, or what James would think when he found out. Your thoughts then went to the reapers, and how you knew that if the higher ups found out, you'd be taken off duty. You had wanted to take an active part in the war, but now you weren't sure what you should do or what would happen. Feeling your arm being lifted up, you came away from your thoughts to the doctor injecting something into you.

“This medication I'm giving you will calm your morning sickness, and help you sleep. And speaking of which, I'll let Shepard know I've excused you from a few hours of work due to this medication I've given you,” she said. After a few seconds had passed of you not answering her, she asked you if you were okay.

“I just... don't know what to think...” you trailed off. “ I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother. Not only that... this really isn't the ideal world to bring a child up in. I don't even know how to tell James, or what he'll do...”

“I can't really comment on that,” doctor Chakwas replied. “However if Mr Vega loves you as much as he seems to, he won't do anything but take care of you. You should tell him when you can, otherwise you might not get another chance. In any case, you're free to go now, and I want you to come back in around three days or so.”

“Yes doctor, but please don't tell anyone about this. I really don't want anyone to worry, or make a fuss until I know what to do...”

“Very well. But I will have to explain to Shepard why I have excused you from duty. Rest assured though that I will pass your wishes on to her.”

“Thank you doctor...”

Leaving the med bay in a daze, you walked slowly back to the crew quarters and climbed to the top of your bunk. Covering yourself up with your cover, you felt your eyes begin to close as you fell asleep.

*

The next morning, you woke up from a very deep sleep still feeling dazed. Realising your omni-tool was bleeping loudly, you looked at it and saw that the time was 10:01 AM. Jumping up in a panic, you clambered down the ladder on your bunk and rushed to make yourself look presentable before going on duty. After brushing your (h/c) hair, you went to the lift and went straight down to engineering without bothering to eat anything. While heading down, you thought about what the doctor had told you early in the morning. You still didn't know what to do, or how to tell James that you were pregnant. The doors to the lift opened, and you walked to your post by the drive core and apologised to Adams for being late.

“I was told you would be late by Shepard,” he said with a smile. “Something about being taken ill in the night, so don't worry. She said to take it easy with your duties as well, so just start off with a few repairs on your console.”

“Right...”

As you got straight to work on your console, you couldn't help but feel grateful for Shepard saying you we're ill and for allowing you time off to sleep. As you worked, Shepard had used the ships communications system to tell her crew that she would be heading for the Illusive man's station. She had then gone on to say, as soon as she was done there, they would be heading off to earth.

“I have also received all of your assignments from admiral Hackett, and I will send you all a message on your omni-tool containing the details. Until then, carry on with your jobs as usual.”

Almost immediately after she had finished, your omni-tool pinged announcing you had a message waiting to be read. Not giving it's contents a second thought, you opened it and read it.

 _“Lieutenant (Your Full Name). Your assignment is as follows: You will be one of our front line engineers working on machinery, turrets and vehicles. You will also be required to modify ammo when needed. However as you are on the front lines, you are advised to carry weapons at all times. I have also received a request from Commander Shepard that you be allowed to remain aboard the Normandy, and have decided after due consideration that this will be ideal in current circumstances. Therefore, you have been formally transferred to the Normandy starting from now. I wish you the best of luck for the future._

 _Admiral Steven Hackett.”_

A smile slowly covered your face as you reached the end of the message. This was what you had been waiting to hear since Shepard had said she would ask. But as soon as you started smiling, it faded back to a frown as you went back over your assignment. You started to wish you hadn't been assigned to the front lines in your condition, but as you didn't want anyone to know you were stuck. You got back to work with a long sigh, and made a mental note to start on gathering what you needed for the final battle.

*

A few days had passed since the crew of the Normandy, including yourself had received your orders for re-taking earth. Around the same time, Shepard had visited Chronos station and found out that things were more desperate than once thought. She had recovered the Prothean VI, who had told her the details about the Catalyst which was the Citadel which had been moved to earth by the reapers to protect it. Realising the situation was far more dire than it had ever been before, she wasted no time in setting a course for earth. A day into your journey back to earth, you found yourself constantly in engineering working on small problems that kept on creeping up on the engines. Being pregnant wasn't exactly helping either, as you were finding it difficult to hide with the constant need to go to the bathroom. James was also becoming increasingly worried as you were trying your best to avoid talking to him, as you didn't want to slip up and tell him what was going on. The last thing you felt you needed, was everyone forcing you to stay off the battlefield once you had arrived at earth. As the Normandy was a small ship, once one person found out you were pregnant, it wouldn't be long before everyone knew.

Sighing in frustration, you switched off your omni-tool that was running a diagnostic program and rubbed your back in an attempt to relieve the soreness. In your last appointment with Doctor Chakwas, she had warned you that your back would be sore in the days to come. She had then had asked you back in another few days to do some more blood work, and also to check on your general well being. Hearing the door to engineering open, you turned to see James walking over to you . He wore the same look of worry on his face.

“Hey,” he greeted you. And without waiting for an answer, he kissed your forehead and put his arms around you. You mumbled a greeting as you buried your head into his chest. You both stood in silence for a few moments, his steady heart beat calming your frustration from a few seconds ago. You began to feel relaxed from the warmth of his arms, and you realised you were becoming drowsy. Thinking that falling asleep in engineering wasn't the best idea, you reluctantly pulled away from his embrace and kissed him.

“Have you just finished your shift?” you began in what you hoped would be a cheerful voice. “If you haven't, you should get back to work. You know we need everything right before we reach earth.”

He sighed and took both of your hands in his.

“I asked Shepard if I could come and talk to you. She said she thought it might be good if I did, and she seems to think something is bothering you. I know something is bothering you, and it's worrying me.” 

This was what you were afraid of.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he inquired gently. After thinking carefully, you answered him in the most truthful way you could.

“It's just hit me that we're going back to earth. I don't even know where my mom and dad are, or even if they're okay. If they're gone, how long would it be before we get killed? I hate thinking about it...” you trailed off. Feeling a tear fall down your cheek, you released James' hands to wipe it away. After you had wiped your cheek, he pulled you back into the comfort of his embrace.

“You should have at least talked to me about this before now. You know I worry about you.”

You nodded into his chest and mumbled, “I know... I'm sorry...”

“Don't worry. Just don't forget the next time you feel like this, to come and talk to me.”

Before you could answer him, the doors of engineering opened again announcing Shepard's arrival. Smiling at the both of you, she cleared her throat.

“Am I interrupting something?”

James let go of you, and turned to face Shepard.

“Not at all Lola.”

“Good, I'm glad. Now if I could have a word with (Y/N) in private?” she asked looking at you. And you felt dread begin to fall on you. This was the conversation you weren't looking forward too.

“Sure no problem.”

Just before he left, he turned to face you with a smile.

“Remember what I said.”

When you nodded, he sent a grin to Shepard and walked out of engineering. She then motioned for you to follow her into the AI core, and leant against the barriers that were there.

“EDI,” she said as she addressed the AI. “Seal the doors for me, I don't want anyone coming in un-announced.”

“Of course,” she replied, and the next thing you heard were the electronic locks sealing themselves.

“I think the first thing I should say,” Shepard began slowly. “Would be congratulations.”

“Thank you Commander,” you replied. “But this wasn't exactly planned...”

She observed you for a moment before carrying on.

“Nothing like this ever is.”

“Before I forget though, thank you for being so lenient with my duties,” you added.

“You're welcome, and speaking of your duties...” she said as you watched her. “Now you're pregnant, I really should take you off duty. For your good, and the safety of the baby. But I believe that this isn't what you want at the moment?”

“No ma'am. Not when there's a war creeping up on us. If I give up fighting now, there won't be a place where me and my baby can live safely if I live through this...”

“Very well then,” she said standing up straight. She started to walk towards the doors to head out, but stopped and turned back to look at you.

“Does James know?” Shepard inquired.

“No, not at the moment. He just thinks I'm worried about the war...”

You walked back towards your post with every intention of getting back to work, but Shepard stopped you with a hand on your shoulder.

“Can I offer you some advice? Whether you take it or not is your choice.”

You nodded, and she continued with what she was saying.

“I would tell James about this as soon as you feel ready. Otherwise you might not get another chance, and I don't want you feeling guilty about it,” she finished with a smile. Still smiling, Shepard asked EDI to unlock the doors and went on her way. When you were stood in silence, you put a hand on your stomach and sighed.

“I should tell him...”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've cut this a little bit shorter than I had originally planned, since this has been forever in the works. So I've decided to write a short sequel, to add on what I've missed off from the end of this. But I really hope you all enjoy, and I'll see you all soon for the last part :3

A week had passed since your conversation with Shepard in engineering, and you still hadn't found a chance to talk to James. The distraction of the war coming closer, and the added strain of being pregnant was beginning to get you down. You also were concerned about friends and family, since it had been a while since you had heard off them.

“Ugh..”

You were working at your post again, when a sudden backache caused you to wince. Massaging your lower back the best you could, you grumbled to yourself. 

“Hey (Y/N), are you alright?” came a voice from your right. Looking over to where the voice came from, you saw it was Gabriella who had spoken to you. Putting a smile on your face, you answered her.

“I'm fine Gabby. I think it's just the strain of being stood up all the time, but thanks for asking anyway.”

“Sure,” she replied as she turned back to her console. “But I would go and see Doctor Chakwas if you get any worse.”

You scowled to yourself at the thought of going to the med bay again. You had already been twice during the past week, and she was becoming concerned about the stress you were under. The last time you saw her, she had tried to get you to take it easy with the duties you were taking on. But as you pointed out, one mistake could prove deadly if something went wrong with the engines. She had sighed in defeat, and left you with the threat of taking you off duty permanently if you didn't see her at least once a week. To say you were beginning to feel fed up was an understatement.

“I will.”

Gabriella gave you a nod and got back to work. As you were about to do the same, EDI's voice addressed you over the comms.

“(Y/N). You have a call waiting on the secondary QEC.”

“Who is it?” you asked her as you stopped what you were doing.

“It is Commander Cerys (L/N),” she replied.

“My mom...?” you said slowly, a look of surprise overtaking your face. Without a second thought you raced out of engineering, only stopping for a moment to ask Gabby to take care of things in engineering. Reaching the war room, you went straight to the QEC and pushed a button to answer the waiting call. Once you did, the familiar image of your mother appeared in the holographic matrix. As your eyes travelled to hers, you felt overcome with relief and began to cry.

“I'm happy to see you too darling,” she said smiling gently at you. 

“I'm so glad you're okay...” you trailed off as you wiped away your tears. “How did you manage to contact me?”

“Both me and your dad were transferred to Admiral Hackett's fleet. He kindly allowed me to use the QEC to talk to you.”

“I have a lot to thank him for then,” you said as you started to smile. “How's dad?”

Your mom's eyes fell for a moment, before she looked back up at you. 

“That's one of the reasons why I wanted to call you sweetheart. Now before you panic,” she said as your face fell. “It isn't serious. While we were on our way to Admiral Hackett's fleet, a conduit malfunctioned and exploded while he was in engineering. He has a concussion and some burns, but he's otherwise fine.”

“Well, at least it isn't serious...” you replied. “How is he now?”

“He's fine darling. He's resting in the med bay, and I've taken command of the Narita [2] for him.”

You felt another wave of relief come over you as you sighed.

“Speaking of ships,” she said continuing to speak. “We are very happy you've been transferred to the Normandy. Hackett mentioned that you wanted to stay there, any particular reason why?”

You thought for a second about how to tell her.

“ _Well now is a good a time as any to tell her,_ ” You thought to yourself. 

“Yeah there were a few reasons...” 

“One of them wouldn't be to do with a man would it?” she said, a smile creeping over her face. When you nodded, your mom made a noise of acknowledgement.

“Yes I thought so. What's his name darling?”

“His name is James, and I met him on the Citadel in Purgatory. After that things kind of fell into place?” you finished with a sheepish smile. Her own smile grew wider.

“Well then, I'm glad you've finally found someone who you're happy with dear. I'm only sorry that we haven't had a chance to meet him.”

“Hopefully you will meet him soon, at least I hope so,” you said. “And mom? I've got something else to tell you while you're there..”

“What is it?” she inquired. Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm your nerves.

“I'm pregnant.”

A few moments of silence passed by as she observed you. 

“Congratulations,” she said with a huge smile on her face. “And am I right to think that James is the father?”

You nodded.

“Well I hope that he'll be a good father to the baby then.”

“I wanted to ask for your advice while you're talking to me, I might not get another chance to..”

“Go ahead sweetheart, you know I'm always willing to listen.”

“Well,” you began. “James doesn't know I'm pregnant yet since I haven't had a chance to tell him. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of making him worry about me, or what he'll do when he does find out. I'm not even sure I should be on the front lines like Hackett wants..”

The smile fell away from your mom's face, and was replaced with a more serious expression. She was silent for a while as she thought. 

“I see why you're confused. I will tell you though, not to worry about James. With everything that's going on, I think he will be happy about it, and he'll do his best to take care of you. But if he walks away, there's not much you can do except let us deal with it when we can. But I doubt he'll do that, not with a war going on. So my advice is, tell James when you can. As for whether you should be fighting the war, you need to. I wouldn't want you to be in danger, neither would I want my first grandchild in danger. But if we don't win this war, we won't be here to worry about it. I know you'll be on the front lines in London, so just take care of yourself for me will you?” she finished.

“Thanks mom. I will be careful I promise. Can you tell dad about the baby?” you asked.

“Of course I will. He'll be pleased, he's always wanted grandchildren. But I need to go back to my ship now darling, I think I've used the QEC for too long.”

“Okay mom. Tell dad I love him, and I hope he gets better soon.”

“I will sweetheart. Remember that I love you, and take care of yourself and the baby. And before I forget, pass on my regards to Shepard.”

“I will, and I love you too mom.”

The last thing you saw, was her smiling face before the connection was lost. Running over your mom's words in your head, you decided that you would take everyone's advice to tell James. Her face still fresh in your mind, you made your way out of the war room to find James. You found him at his post in the shuttle bay, making last minute changes to his weapons before you reached earth. You paused before speaking to him, and silently watched him for a few moments. Letting out a sigh, you walked up behind him and laid a hand on his back.

“Hey.”

He turned around and grinned at you.

“Hola hermosa [2]. What's up?”

“If you're not busy can we talk? I need to tell you something..”

“Sure just let me finish making these adjustments, then we can talk.”

You nodded, and sat down on a cargo box at the side of his work station. As you watched him, you fought the urge to start pacing up and down the shuttle bay. James finished his work, and then turned around to face you.

“So, what did you want to talk about (Y/N)?”

You got up from where you were sitting, and started to nervously pace in front of him.

“Take it easy,” he said as he gently put his hands on your shoulders to stop you from pacing. “Whatever you need to tell me, I'm sure it can't be that bad.”

“It could be...” you muttered as you kept your eyes from making contact with his. He frowned, and forced you to look at him by lifting your chin up.

“Unless you've cheated on me, which I doubt with the way things are. I don't think anything could be that bad, so just tell me.”

“Shepard to all hands,” the communications system announced in her voice. “We will be joined by Admiral Hackett in a few moments. Therefore I need all of you to be prepared to land on earth in the next hour. Shepard out.”

James who let out a sigh, released your chin and took hold of your hand.

“This always happens doesn't it?”

You nodded, suddenly feeling grateful for the first time that you had been interrupted. Leaning up you gave him a kiss, and gave his hand a squeeze.

“We better get ready to go then,” you said as he returned the kiss.

“Yeah, I just hope whatever it is you need to tell me isn't bad.”

*

“All fleets reporting in.”

Samantha's voice was the first thing you heard before Admiral Hackett began his speech. Looking up from the spot on the floor you had been staring at, you watched him make his speech.

“Never before have so many come together from all quarters of the galaxy. But never before have we faced an enemy like this. The Reapers will show us no mercy, and we must give them no quarter. They will terrorise our populations, and we must stand fast in the face of that terror. They will advance until our last city falls, but we will not fall. We will prevail.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“Each of us will be defined by our actions in the coming battle. Stand fast, stand strong, stand together. Hackett out.”

Straightening out your uniform, you stepped towards him as he walked away from the galaxy map.

“Excuse me Admiral?”

“Yes lieutenant?”

“I would like to personally thank you for allowing me to stay on the Normandy,” you said with a salute. “And I would also like to thank you for accepting my mother and father into your fleet. I have every confidence that they will be safe with you, and I'm very grateful.”

“You're welcome. It was the best tactical decision to make all circumstances considered.”

*

An hour later the Normandy made it's approach to earth, and you started to feel anxious as the ship made it through the mass relay. You had taken your place in engineering and kept yourself busy with keeping an eye on the AI core until it was time for you to begin calibrating the missiles on the ground. It was half way through your approach to earth, that Shepard made another announcement over the ships communications.

“Shepard to all hands.”

You automatically looked up to where her voice had sounded from, the others in engineering mirroring your movements. 

“There is a Hades cannon on the ground making it difficult for hammer to land. So in a few moments I will be heading down to earth, and disabling it. Once the cannon has been disabled, Joker will be taking the Normandy down so you can all get to work. I will see you all down on the ground at headquarters. Shepard out.”

Looking back down to your console, you whispered, “Be safe Shepard.”

*

After Shepard's announcement, there followed an anxious wait for news that she and her ground team had reached the surface safely. When Joker had the news he was waiting for, he started to move the Normandy towards earth's atmosphere so the teams on board could start to heard off. As you were heading out on a different shuttle than James, you had already said goodbye and gave him a kiss before heading off. You were already starting to receive bad news from earth, mostly of ships being destroyed before they had chance to deploy. You had also learned that Steve had dropped Shepard off safely, but had been blown off course by a Reaper squadron.

Closing your eyes, you held on to the safety harness that held you firmly to your seat in the shuttle. You found yourself hoping that the rest of the Normandy's crew were alright. You also hoped that the shaking of the shuttle wasn't going to hurt the baby. 

“Hold on,” the pilot of the shuttle announced. “We're going to have a rough landing.”

Your grip on the harness tightened as you touched down with a violent shudder. Letting out a shaky sigh, you wriggled your way out of the safety harness as it had somehow managed to tighten itself around your armour in the shuttles descent. You then mirrored the movements of the others in the shuttle, by readying your weapons before the doors opened. Once the door had opened and the pilot gave the all clear, you followed after everyone else, assault rifle raised. Surprisingly, the walk to the headquarters was fairly quiet. Heading through the raised doors, you only had a few seconds to look for where you would be working before you heard somebody shout your name.

“(Y/N)!”

You barely had time to react before your vision was obscured by black hair, and a bone crushing hug. This was followed by an excitable greeting.

“I can't believe we've been deployed on the front lines together!” said the familiar voice of your best friend.

“Amber?” 

She released you from her arms, and grinned at you while her green eyes sparkled. As you observed the smiling face of your best friend, you felt tears threatening to fall as you pulled her back into another hug.

“I'm so glad you're safe..”

Amber pulled away from your arms, and brushed her long black hair from her face while she smiled. Putting her hand on your shoulder, she replied, “Of course I'm safe. I've been working in the med bay, helping out what's left of our doctors before heading back out to the front lines.”

She had mentioned to you that while she was attending the academy, that she had opted in for medical training. You followed her gaze, and your eyes settled on small building that had protective shutters installed. 

“I hate that place...” she muttered as she began to frown. “Too many people have died in there...”

“I'm sure you tried your best Amber. It's not your fault that they've died, blame it on the Reapers,” you replied as you placed a hand on her shoulder. Her hand came up to grasp yours, and she let out a shaky sigh. 

“I guess you're right... Still, I'm glad I've had the chance to see you before I head back out.”

“And I am. I thought I wouldn't see you again until after the war.”

The frown Amber was wearing slowly turned into a smile.

“I'm just sorry I never actually got to meet James properly before now. I always said I'd love to meet the man that captured my friends heart. How's it going with him?” she inquired. Since you had seen her again, you had forgotten about James for a few minutes. You looked down at the ground, and you replied to her quietly.

“It's been going fine between us. But I don't know where he is, as we deployed in different shuttles. I only hope he's okay wherever he is.”

“I'm sure he's fine (Y/N). From what you've told me through your messages, you need to be tough to survive being on the Normandy. And since he's survived this long on Shepard's crew , I don't think anything will hurt him.”

As you thought about her words, you slowly started to smile.

“Yeah I guess you're right.”

As you were about to speak again, a stern voice interrupted your conversation.

“Simms!”  
Amber automatically turned around to the sound of her last name. Walking towards her was her commanding officer, and her face drained of colour as she saluted him. 

“Captain Warren..?”

He came to a stop in front of her, and his eyes surveyed both of you before speaking again.

“I thought you were supposed to be heading back out to the front lines Lieutenant? I hardly think you have the luxury to be standing here having a nice little chat. I presume you have noticed that earth is at risk?”

Her cheeks started to grow pink with embarrassment, and she opened her mouth to reply.

“I-”

“My apologies sir,” you said cutting across her. He turned to face you as he observed you. “I was the one keeping her from her duties. Amber is my best friend and we haven't seen each other for months. We were just about to say goodbye.”

“And you are?” he questioned curtly.

“My name is Lieutenant (Y/N) (L/N) sir,” you replied as you saluted him. He raised an eyebrow as he thought for a moment. There was a sudden look of realisation on his face as he looked at you.

“Ah I thought I recognised you. You're Jacob and Cerys' daughter aren't you?”

“Yes sir.”

He was silent for a few moments before speaking again.

“I appreciate that you both are happy to see each other, but you need to remain focused. The Reapers will use your distraction to their advantage, and it's almost certain that you will be killed,” the captain said as his voice softened. “Please be aware of this.”

“Yes sir,” you both replied.

“I now suggest Simms, that you get yourself over to the transport to the front lines. And Lieutenant (L/N), join me when you have said goodbye.”

The captain then walked away leaving you both in silence. 

“Thanks for defending me (Y/N), but he's right. I should be heading back out onto the front lines now,” Amber said as she turned to face you. As she did this, a tear fell from her eye which you reached out to wipe away.

“Please don't cry. You know I'll start crying as well, and both of us bursting into tears here won't help anyone,” you said with a small chuckle. She nodded in agreement and moved forward to give you another hug.

“Promise me you'll stay safe (Y/N). If you die and there's any sort of afterlife, I'll kick your ass when I get over there,” she replied with a shaky laugh. You returned her hug, and then moved away.

“Same goes for you Amber. I want to see you when this is over.”

Amber then gave you one last wave and a smile, before she broke into a run towards the waiting transport. As you watched the ground transport make it's way out of the gate, you felt tears well up in your eyes. 

“Stop it (Y/N), you can't start crying in the middle of a battlefield,” you sternly told yourself. And with that, you wiped your eyes and made your way over to where Captain Warren was standing.

“Captain Warren sir?” you said as you announced your arrival. He turned to face you from reading a holographic screen that was in front of him.

“Miss (L/N). Admiral Anderson asked me to pass this message on to you when you arrived. You are to take the place as head engineer for these grounds, as our own was killed an hour ago.”

You stayed silent for a moment, letting the shock of being promoted in the middle of battle sink in.

“If I may ask sir? What happened to him?”

“A gunshot wound to the head,” he replied.

“Ah...” 

_'And I thought my job was difficult enough already,' you thought. 'Now I have to head a team of engineers in the middle of battle.'_

“I suggest Lieutenant, that you get to work straight away. The team have been notified of your arrival, and all know that you are in charge. You will also receive updates from us as we get them.”

You nodded to him, and started to make your way over to where the engineering area was. As you walked into the area where your new team were, they all gathered in front of you and started introducing themselves to you. After the introductions had finished, you requested status updates and instructed them to resume the jobs they were doing before you arrived. No sooner had your team got back to work, an ensign came jogging up to you breathing heavily.

“Lieutenant (L/N)...” he panted. “I have an update from Captain Warren.”

“Take a moment to catch your breath ensign,” you replied. “I know it might be urgent, but you don't need to be run off your feet.”

“You're the first person that's said that to me,” he said while taking deep breaths. “Thank you ma'am.”

“You really don't need to thank me for that. And I'm only one rank higher than you, you don't need to call me ma'am. Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Admiral Anderson has flown out on one of the shuttles to rescue Commander Shepard. Captain Warren thought it was necessary to alert you in case the shuttle needed repairs.”

_”So she is alive,” you thought as an overwhelming feeling of relief fell over you. “Thank god.”_

“Thank you ensign, I'll have my team ready for an incoming shuttle. Remember what I said about taking it easy,” you said with a nod. He gave you a salute before hurrying off. 

“Right, I want everybody ready for an incoming shuttle,” you announced loudly to the engineering team. “This shuttle will have been in the thick of reaper forces, not to mention it is Admiral Anderson's shuttle. It will need repairs on landing.”

You heard a chorus of acknowledgement from your team, before getting back to work.

*

It had been at least half an hour since you had asked your team to be ready for the incoming shuttle. Your only warning of the shuttle landing, was half of your team moving from their work posts to do as you had requested. Looking up from the shield generator you were working on, you saw Shepard walking across the compound towards main headquarters. Immediately putting down your tools, you moved away from your post and called out to her.

“Commander!”

She stopped in her tracks and turned to where your voice had come from. When she saw you, the look of surprise on her face changed to one of relief.

“I'm glad you're alright (Y/N).”

Walking up to her, you replied with “Likewise commander. Are Steve and the others ok?”

“Yes. Steve is back on the Normandy with Joker, and the rest of the crew is down here on the ground with us. At least I think so.”

As the comforting feeling of relief filled your chest, she continued.

“What about you? Are you okay?” she questioned as her eyes traveled to your stomach. Realising she was silently asking if the baby was okay, you dropped your voice to answer her. 

“I'm fine commander, and I think the baby is alright.”

A tired smile spread over Shepard's face as she listened to your words.

“I know I'm probably going to sound like a broken record now,” she continued on. “But have you told James yet?”

“Not yet... After we touched down at the base, I was appointed as head engineer. So I haven't been able to get away from my post, and I don't know where he is either..”

“I've just spoken to him (Y/N), he's fine. He's over by the marine unit, so I'd go and talk to him while you've got a chance.”

“I guess you're right..” you replied as you lowered your hand to your stomach. 

“I would get going then. And just so you know, it was an honour to know you (Y/N). You've become a fantastic soldier, and I know you'll be a wonderful mother.”

“Um.. Commander?” 

Shepard looked at you with an inquiring look.

“I don't mean to be rude, but you sound as if you think you're never coming back,” you finished shakily. She let out a small chuckle, and clapped you on the shoulder as she began to walk past you. Shepard then paused and looked back at you.

“You're right, I'm sorry if I'm worrying you. But please go and talk to James. He's worried about you, and he knows something is up.”

“I will Commander.”

She left you with one final smile, before continuing on through the compound to the main headquarters. Turning to your team, you told them to get on with their work and to call you if there was an emergency. And as you began to walk out of the engineering area, you saw the one person you wanted to talk to making his way over to you. When James saw you, his lips stretched into a heart melting smile. Smiling nervously back at him, you put your arms around him once he was within reach. 

“I'm glad you're alright (Y/N),” he murmured into your neck as he nuzzled it. 

“I'm happy to see you too James,” you replied with a shaky chuckle. As thoughts of what you were about to tell him ran through your head, you started to tremble. James then pulled away from you, leaving a kiss on your neck. Holding you at arms length, he observed your face as he started to frown.

“(Y/N).”

Your eyes met his, and you knew this was the moment that you would tell him.

“What's wrong? You've been like this ever since I talked to you in engineering. You need to tell me what's bothering you.”

As you looked up at him, the look in his eyes softened. You took a deep breath, and readied yourself to tell him.

“I have to tell you something, and I'm worried about what you're going to do when you find out.”

“I doubt it's that bad unless you've cheated on me. And if you've changed your mind about me, I understand.”

“James..” you began. Putting your hand on his cheek, you continued. “I could never change my mind about being with you. The past few months I've spent with you have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I would never dream of cheating on you, not when you mean so much to me.”

He gently took the hand you had on his cheek, and laid a kiss on the back of it. 

“So if it's nothing like that, what is it that you wanted to tell me?” he inquired. As he was speaking, you gripped his hand a little harder and started trembling a little more.

“I'm... pregnant...” you mumbled, your voice hovering above a whisper. And without waiting for an answer, you buried your head into his chest. Silence passed between you both for a few moments. James then pulled you away from his chest, lifted your chin up so you were looking at him. The expression on his face was dead serious. 

“(Y/N). Why didn't you tell me when you found out?”

For the second time in three hours, you felt tears threatening to fall. 

“I honestly didn't have a chance.. And I was scared of what would happen, and if you would be happy or not..” you replied shakily. James sighed deeply, and wiped away a tear that was falling down your cheek. He then pulled you back into his arms, and began to speak again. 

“You should have told me when you found out. But (Y/N), I can tell you that I'm very happy. I never thought I'd have kids, and not in the middle of a war.”

You pulled away slightly so you could look up at him. And you were met with a gentle smile.

“I didn't want you on the front lines before, and I certainly don't want you here now. Not when you're carrying my baby.”

“James. I don't know if you've been told, but I've been made head engineer for this area. I couldn't leave if I wanted to, and I could be the difference between a unit living or dying.”

“I know I know,” he replied. “I just want you to be careful and not take any stupid risks.”

He pressed his forehead to yours as he took your hands.

“I promise I won't..” 

A sudden loud bleeping noise from your respective wrists interrupted the moment. James let an irritated sigh fall from his mouth, and released your hands to inspect the message he had received on his omni-tool.  
“Shepard has called her crew to a meeting with her before she heads out to the front lines,” he said as his eyes followed the lines of text. He pressed a few buttons to shut down the screen, and then took your hand.

“Lets go.” 

You nodded, and allowed him to lead you through the compound.

*

A few moments later, you and James were stood with the rest of your crew members in front of Shepard. She only had to clear her throat once, and she had the attention of everyone in the area.

“I'd like to speak to you all before I head out to the front lines. And I hope you will all take my words to heart.”

Silence followed her words, and she looked out at her crew taking in your determined expressions. Shepard walked around the holographic device she was stood behind, and started to speak.

“This war has brought us pain, suffering and loss. But it's also bought us together; as soldiers, allies and friends. This bond that holds us together is something the Reapers will never understand. It's more powerful than any weapon, stronger than any ship. It can't be taken from us, or be destroyed. The next few hours will decide the fate of everyone in the galaxy. Every mother, every son, and every unborn child.”

Her eyes travelled over to you, and she nodded at you before continuing.

“They're trusting you, depending on you to win them their future. A future free from the threat of the Reapers. But take heart. Look around you. You're not in this fight alone.”  
Giving you all one final nod, she went back to discussing the plan with Admiral Anderson. Taking that as a dismissal, you turned to James who was observing you carefully. 

“What?” you asked as he took your hands. 

“We should get going back to our posts,” he replied. “Please be careful out there.”

“I already promised you that I would be careful,” you said pointedly. He chuckled slightly, and kissed you for a moment. When you pulled away, he put a hand on your stomach and bent down to leave a kiss there.

“Make sure your mother keeps her promise.”

You let a slight chuckle leave your mouth as James left you with another kiss.

“You be careful too James.”

He nodded, and grinned at you before he walked away to his post. You heaved a sigh and made your way back to the engineering area.

*

About an hour had passed since Shepard had made her speech. It had been relatively uneventful, until a loud rumbling interrupted your work. You and your team stopped in your tracks, and looked up to the darkened sky. Your eyes then caught sight of the Normandy, which was descending through the atmosphere. An announcement sounded throughout the area.

“All personnel, retreat to your respective ships. There is a large group of Reaper forces heading towards headquarters. Take every necessary step of protecting yourselves. I repeat, retreat back to your respective ships. This is a direct order from Admiral Hackett.”

Looking around at your team, you gestured to them to stop what they were doing.

“You heard the man, get moving!” you shouted over the loud rumbling. “Get back to your own ships and good luck!”

Your team all nodded in unison, and all made their way out of the compound. You only stopped for a moment to pick up your weapons before heading out. Keeping your assault rifle raised, you quickly made your way over to the Normandy. Once you had your ship in your sights, you saw that the shuttle bay was open to let crew members in. You broke into a run as you heard gunfire behind you, and reached the shuttle bay just as the Normandy began to lift off. 

“I made it...” you breathed out as you dropped to your knees. Breathing heavily, you looked around to see various members of Shepard's crew scattered about the shuttle bay. Your eyes then settled on Garrus, who was slumped back against one of the cold metal walls. He was staring into space, and looking bewildered. Feeling concerned, you pushed up off the floor and made your way towards him stumbling a little as the ship shook.

“Garrus?” you said addressing him as you bent down in front of him. He looked up, and his yellow eyes focused on you. “Are you okay? Where's Shepard?”

His eyes dropped to the floor. 

“She's still on the ground.. Making a run for the beam..”

“She's what...?” you asked in disbelief. The Normandy began to shake as it pushed up through the earth's atmosphere.

“She will be killed down there! I can't believe you're just going to let her throw her life away!”  
Your voice had risen to shouting as you began to pace in front of him. As you continued to pace, your anger slowly started to fade into sadness and you came to a stop as you began to cry.

“(Y/N)...”

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist from behind you, and you heard the familiar voice of James. His next words came out in a whisper, and you felt his warm breath on your neck.

“Try to calm down... This isn't good for you, or the baby. Shepard knows the risks she's taking, and she knows the consequences. Come on..” he trailed off. He took your hand, and sat you down on the cold floor as the ship propelled itself through a mass relay.


	3. Sequel

A few hours later after the Normandy crash landed on an unknown planet, you along with the remainder of the crew decided to hold a memorial service for Shepard and Admiral Anderson. You had all gathered in front of the memorial stone, where names of fallen comrades had been placed. You all stood silently as Ashley placed his name plate on the centre of the stone, and then stepped back to allow Garrus to walk forward. You let your gaze drift to his hands, where he was holding the plate that had Shepard's name on it. As you watched him walk up to the memorial stone, you began to silently cry as memories of first meeting her began to flood your mind. You felt a hand grasp yours gently, and another came up to wipe your eyes. Looking to your right side, you saw James observing you with a somber expression covering his face. He then put an arm around you, allowing you to turn towards him and put your head on his shoulder.

“Take it easy...” he whispered to you soothingly. His hand gripped your shoulder lightly. “Shepard knew what she was doing when she ran for the beam on her own. I know it's upsetting, but she's created a far better galaxy for us. One where our baby can grow up, knowing what peace feels like.”

You sniffed as you listened to him, and then pulled away to wipe your eyes again.

“You're right... She has made the galaxy a safer place for everyone..”

“Come on,” he said as the rest of the crew began to head to their beds. “You need to rest, for your sake and the baby's.”

You nodded, and allowed him to lead you towards the crew quarters. 

_'Thank you Shepard, wherever you are...”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have reached this far in my series, thank you so much for sticking with me through it all and I hope you will continue reading on as I move into the next part of my longest series. Much love to you all, and I hope you continue to enjoy this to the end <3


End file.
